Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
