How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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