Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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