he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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