forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
