I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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