I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
