I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
