I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
