you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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