I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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