Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
