Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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