forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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