i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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