he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
