I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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