I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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