I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
