I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
