Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
