Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
