Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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