I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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