new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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