I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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