We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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