I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
