would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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