My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
