i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
