Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize