Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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