you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
