just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
