did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize