I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
