mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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