Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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