I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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