upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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