you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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