yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
