i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
