i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
