my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
