i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
