Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
