Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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