I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize