do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
