My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
