tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
