He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
