This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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