Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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