I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
