Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
