I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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