Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
