I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
