Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
