i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That reminds me...we need to get swords
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
