Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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