gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
