Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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