Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
