I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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