i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
