I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
